Excelsior Springs Weekly Horoscopes – December 8-14, 2025
Brought to you by Molly Roberts Studio and Metaphysical, 253 E Broadway, downtown Excelsior Springs
This is peak holiday season, so expect equal parts joy, sugar crashes, and existential panic in the Hall of Trees.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You sprint into Monday’s Team 5k Running Group like you’re training for the Olympics, only to cancel out the effort later with a lobster roll from Cousins Maine Lobster because “protein.”
Cosmic Tip: At Open Mic Night, resist the urge to perform your entire motivational speech from the run. People just want to drink.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will thrive at Community Cookie Decorating Class because it combines your greatest talents: sitting, sugar, and judging other people’s sprinkle techniques.
Cosmic Tip: Stop telling the cookies they’re “art.” They’re not. But they are delicious.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You’ll talk your way through City Council, Hall of Writers, and into a random stranger’s family at ES Community Caroling.
Cosmic Tip: At Casa Di Vite Chess Club, don’t narrate your moves out loud like it’s a sports broadcast. People remember last time.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Your holiday feelings are activated the moment you step into the Hall of Trees. You will cry approximately three times. Maybe four.
Cosmic Tip: If you write a Letter to Santa, try not to make it 17 paragraphs of emotional processing.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You’ll walk into the Shamrock Hills Holly Jolly Pop Up Bar like the main character in every Christmas movie ever made.
Cosmic Tip: At Petals and Peppermint, resist the urge to buy flowers “for your fans.” You don’t actually have fans. Yet.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will be deeply unsettled by the chaotic nature of Mid-Week Recharge Yoga, mostly because the instructor says “let it go” and you absolutely will not.
Cosmic Tip: At Beginners Knitting Class, do NOT attempt to “fix” other people’s stitches without permission. It’s a crime in Yarn Court.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
You cannot decide between Cocktails and Candy Canes, Christmas Tea and Cookie Exchange, or Happy Hour at The Candle Bar, so you attend all three and discover what a sugar/alcohol vortex feels like.
Cosmic Tip: Stop harmonizing with carolers unless you’re prepared for the commitment.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
The stars expect absolutely unhinged behavior from you at Smashing Opportunities at Rage Cave. This is your natural habitat.
Cosmic Tip: If Santa sees you there, he’s revoking your “nice” status. No questions asked.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will boldly attempt the Team 5k Walking Group, get bored halfway through, and end up chatting with strangers at Mid-Day Mic instead.
Cosmic Tip: If you sit on Santa’s lap at Hightower Heritage Real Estate, don’t blame “your inner child.” We all know you just wanted attention.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
You are deeply committed to productivity this week: Community Center Board Meeting, Cornerstone PTO, Redevelopment Corporation Meeting—basically everywhere no normal person wants to be.
Cosmic Tip: Even YOU deserve a break. Go stare at the Hall of Trees and pretend you’re relaxing.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
This week turns you into full whimsical Aquarius mode: Movement & Mindful Yoga, Christmas Tea, String of Pearls Workshop, Energy Healing—you’re basically one silent retreat away from levitating.
Cosmic Tip: Your family may request subtitles at Christmas.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You’ll feel spiritually called to Miss Ramsey’s Little Artists Club, emotionally moved during Parents as Teachers Playdates, and oddly inspired at Goodtimes Reunion even though you didn’t know who half the people were.
Cosmic Tip: Write Santa a poem. He won’t understand it, but he’ll appreciate the effort.
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