Excelsior Springs Weekly Horoscopes – September 22-28, 2025
Brought to you by Molly Roberts Studio and Metaphysical, 253 E Broadway, downtown Excelsior Springs
This week, the stars are mixing cardio with cocktails, car shows with cosplay, and psychic readings with fish and chips. Don’t worry, they promise you’ll survive… probably.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You’ll sprint into Team 5k Running Group like it’s a personal Olympics, then immediately ruin it at Happy Hour at The Candle Bar. Don’t worry—grape stomping at the Trolley Wine Tour counts as “active recovery.”
Cosmic Tip: At the Rage Cave, break things louder than the voices in your head.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Taurus, you’re thriving this week: Christopher Elbow Chocolate + Wine Pairing, Four Course Wine Dinner, and On the Hook Fish and Chips. Basically, you’re living your best “carbs are life” truth.
Cosmic Tip: If anyone judges you at the Farmers Market, hit them with a baguette.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Gemini, you’ll dabble in everything: Pokemon & Star Wars, Dungeons & Dragons, and Warhammer 40k—because who has time for one universe when you can rule all of them? By Thursday, you’ll also be at Open Mic, pretending your chaos is performance art.
Cosmic Tip: At the Mini Psychic Fair, ask if your other personality is also retrograde.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Cancer, you’re leaning into feelings at Parents as Teachers Playdates and the Support Group—but let’s be honest, you’ll also cry when you see a grape squished at the Winery Tour & Candlelit Tasting.
Cosmic Tip: At Tea with a Princess, don’t cry if she doesn’t knight you.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Oh look, Leo—the spotlight. You’ll shine at Burlesque Class, glow even harder at Girls Who Glow, and then demand a solo at Lyrics on the Lawn (oops, wrong week, but you’ll still try).
Cosmic Tip: At the Car Show, remind everyone YOUR personality is the real classic.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Virgo, your week is meetings and more meetings: Estate Planning, Parks & Rec, Aging Well, Crime Prevention, Planning for the Future—basically, your calendar just applied for sainthood.
Cosmic Tip: At Casa Di Vite Chess Club, don’t yell “checkmate” before the game starts. Again.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Libra, balance is your brand. You’ll sweat at WERQ Fitness, then immediately cancel it out at 2-for-1 Wine Tasting + Bingo. You’ll swing between Cocktails at Huey’s and Energy Healing like a spiritual pendulum.
Cosmic Tip: At the Mini Psychic Fair, ask if your indecision is permanent. (It is.)
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Scorpio, this week is tailor-made for your mysterious aura. You’ll brood at Black Flame’s Spider-Man Draft, sip wine at a Candlelit Tour, and show up to the Nightmare on Elms St. Pop-Up Bar like you are the villain reveal.
Cosmic Tip: Don’t hex the Beekeeping Club. The bees are innocent.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You’ll run the Get Outdoors 6.6k, party at Nightmare on Elms St., gamble at Commander Night, and eat fish at On the Hook. In other words, Sag—this is just another Tuesday for you.
Cosmic Tip: At the Car Show, don’t ask if they transform like Transformers.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Capricorn, you’ll treat Senior Fitness Class like a board meeting, then out-schedule everyone at Missouri Good Neighbor Week. Relax—no one’s actually keeping attendance.
Cosmic Tip: At the Blood Drive, resist asking for a receipt for tax purposes.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Aquarius, your week is weird and wonderful: Burlesque Class, Girls Who Glow, Energy Healing, and probably a dramatic reading at Open Mic. Expect to declare, “This is my art!” at least three times.
Cosmic Tip: At Tea with a Princess, don’t argue about monarchy.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Pisces, you’re swimming at Toddler Swim, splashing at Home School Swim, and crying at Colin Nichols’ live set because you “felt the water in his voice.” By Sunday, you’ll be ready for sainthood—or at least another glass of wine.
Cosmic Tip: At Smashing Opportunities, cry while you swing. Very on brand.
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