Excelsior Springs Weekly Horoscopes – Sept 15-21, 2025
Brought to you by Molly Roberts Studio and Metaphysical, 253 E Broadway, downtown Excelsior Springs
This week: toddlers swim, yarn crawls, grapes get stomped, and apparently even cars have parties. The stars say: pace yourself—it’s a marathon, not a wine tasting (though let’s be real, it’s also a wine tasting).
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You’re sprinting into the week at Team 5k Running Group, Aries, because subtlety isn’t your thing. By Saturday, you’ll be burning even more energy at the Sock Hop—let’s hope your shoes survive both.
Cosmic Tip: At the Rage Cave, scream “retrograde!” whether it is or isn’t.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
This week is basically a Taurus buffet: Christopher Elbow Chocolate + Wine Pairing, Happy Hour at The Candle Bar, and Harvest Party at Fence Stile. Calories don’t count when the stars approve.
Cosmic Tip: Your aura screams “2-for-1 Bingo Tasting.”
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Gemini, you’ll try everything this week: Kids Art Workshop, Open Mic at The Atlas, and maybe even the Kansas City Yarn Crawl (because nothing says thrill-seeker like comparing skeins). People will ask where you find the time. You’ll shrug and say, “Chaos is my hobby.”
Cosmic Tip: At Casual Commander, casually annihilate everyone.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Cancer, your week involves wholesome moments at Parents as Teachers Playdates, but don’t worry—you’ll cry anyway at Live Music on the Wine Garden with Kari King. By Sunday, you’re a puddle at the Harvest Party.
Cosmic Tip: Wine pairs beautifully with feelings.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Oh, Leo—you already bought sequins for Burlesque Class, didn’t you? Of course you did. And yes, you’ll steal the spotlight at the Hall of Fame Induction, whether or not you’re on the program.
Cosmic Tip: At the Sock Hop, expect spontaneous applause.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Virgo, this week is your Olympics: PreventIVe Ribbon Cutting, Annual DEP Dinner, Jelly Roll Day, Beekeeping Club—your color-coded planner has never been so smug.
Cosmic Tip: You will organize the Yarn Crawl. It wasn’t asked, but you’ll do it anyway.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Balance, Libra. One moment you’re delicately sipping at Wine + Chocolate Pairing, the next you’re destroying everything at Rage Cave. One moment you’re doing Gentle Yoga, the next you’re at the Sock Hop. People call it mood swings. You call it “aesthetic variety.”
Cosmic Tip: Bring glitter to Bingo. Always.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Scorpio, you’ll brood your way through Chess Club, then suddenly appear at the Auto Show like you own all the cars. No one’s sure how you ended up at MODA Jelly Roll Day, but somehow you make quilting feel… menacing.
Cosmic Tip: The Harvest Party is your villain origin story.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Adventure calls, Sag. You’ll crash the Yarn Crawl, dominate Magic the Gathering, hit the Auto Show, and still have energy for Warbird’s 1st Birthday. Someone stop you—actually, no, don’t.
Cosmic Tip: At Star Wine Tours, don’t ask if it’s “all-inclusive.” It’s not.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Capricorn, you’re working even when you’re not. Hospital Board? Check. Community Center Board? Check. PreventIVe Ribbon Cutting? Double check. Then you’ll finally relax at Drum Fit, where you’ll still try to lead the class.
Cosmic Tip: Jelly Roll Day? You’ll schedule it down to the minute.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Aquarius, you’re unpredictable this week: signing up for Burlesque Class, showing up at Community Decorating Class, and crashing Support Group just to “share your cosmic insights.” By Sunday, you’re dancing barefoot at the Harvest Party, insisting it’s a ritual.
Cosmic Tip: At Yarn Crawl, don’t announce that knitting is “performance art.”
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Pisces, your watery soul finds peace at Toddler Swim and Home School Swim, but things get messy at Open Mic Night when you cry during your own poem. By Sunday, you’re swaying emotionally at Live Music with Double Jointed, convinced it’s a love letter just for you.
Cosmic Tip: Smearing paint at Kids Art Workshop is basically therapy.
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